So far in these blogs I have been talking about mindfulness in part 1 and being grateful in part 2. Today I want to think about another thing that may help with our own wellbeing, and that of our children. It is sometimes called name it to tame it.
In times of crisis or drama our emotions can come to the front, and it can feel like we are being taken over by a certain feeling, whether it be fear, anger or even excitement. These emotions are closely associate with parts of the brain called the amygdala and hypothalamus, which make up part of the limbic system. The amygdala is the part of the brain which responds to stress by sending out signals to activate the bodies flight, fight or freeze mechanism. The hypothalamus receives these messages and conveys them to the body activating the parasympathetic nervous system. This is fabulous when we are being chased by a bear – all the blood rushes away from our internal organs, (leading to a sinking feeling – see this you tube clip which explains this a bit more), towards our limbs getting us ready to respond to what ever we need to respond to.
However, in everyday life it is not so good, and we can experience a sensation of emotions over-whelming us and it can be hard to deal with those emotions. This happens to us as both adults and to our children.
Dan Siegal is a neuropsychologist who normally works with parents and children. He describes this response in his hand model of the brain. If you tuck your thumb into you palm and curl over your fingers this is a model that represents the brain. The thumb is like the limbic system where the amygdala and hypothalamus are located (some neuropsychologists call this the reptilian brain, which zoologist point out is not a fair or accurate name, but it suggests a part of the brain that has changed very little between species). The fingers curled over the thumb are your cortex, or as Hercule Poirot would have it “your little grey cells.” These represent the part of your brain used in thinking things through.
If your emotions takeover, you are doing something that Dan Seigal calls “flipping your lid.” Imagine your fingers springing up, exposing your thumb, and the limbic system it represents taking over. Emotions are in charge! You can probably picture this in some people’s behaviour, both adults and children, where they seem unable to move, or stop or reason or talk or respond in any logical way. They are just reacting. You can probably recognise this type of reaction in yourself as well.
Because mindfulness and other things that help your wellbeing, can actually decrease the reaction of the limbic system, and thus you over reacting, that can help you react less to a situation. More importantly, there are things you can do to help in a situation where you recognise yourself or someone else going toward the flight, fight or freeze response.
The first thing to do is to connect. Because Dan Siegal works with parents, he talks about hugging your child, or with other adults a hand on the shoulder can help. The same goes for yourself – you need to connect to yourself. In mindfulness we sometimes talk about having an anchor. Something that brings your mind back from the myriad of places it might normally be to the here and now. Often this is about breathing and being aware of your own breathing. Of this breath. And this breath. You may even find resting your hand on your abdomen helps to bring your mind back to what is going on in your body now.
Next, Siegal with his parenting head on talks about name it to tame it. By this he means can name the emotion? The parts of the brain responsible for recognising (insula) and giving a word to an emotion (anterior prefrontal cortex) are based in the cortex. So, if you imagine that hand model of the brain, they are in the fingers. By focusing and naming an emotion you are actually causing parts of the cortex to fire, which in turns calms the limbic system. OK, that is terribly simplistic, and misses lots of stages, but essentially by naming the emotion there is a calming effect. Just to add you do need to name the emotion correctly. For example, anger, fear happiness all have their own names, although it doesn’t have to be exact, I am feeling angry or I am feeling mad, can be equally good.
That is great, but you may need to take it a step further. Siegal talks about planning a way through your child’s emotions. In mindfulness there is a practise called RAIN. This involves the following stages;
Recognise
Accept
Investigate
Non-identify
That is all today. Do let me know if these are helpful!
In times of crisis or drama our emotions can come to the front, and it can feel like we are being taken over by a certain feeling, whether it be fear, anger or even excitement. These emotions are closely associate with parts of the brain called the amygdala and hypothalamus, which make up part of the limbic system. The amygdala is the part of the brain which responds to stress by sending out signals to activate the bodies flight, fight or freeze mechanism. The hypothalamus receives these messages and conveys them to the body activating the parasympathetic nervous system. This is fabulous when we are being chased by a bear – all the blood rushes away from our internal organs, (leading to a sinking feeling – see this you tube clip which explains this a bit more), towards our limbs getting us ready to respond to what ever we need to respond to.
However, in everyday life it is not so good, and we can experience a sensation of emotions over-whelming us and it can be hard to deal with those emotions. This happens to us as both adults and to our children.
Dan Siegal is a neuropsychologist who normally works with parents and children. He describes this response in his hand model of the brain. If you tuck your thumb into you palm and curl over your fingers this is a model that represents the brain. The thumb is like the limbic system where the amygdala and hypothalamus are located (some neuropsychologists call this the reptilian brain, which zoologist point out is not a fair or accurate name, but it suggests a part of the brain that has changed very little between species). The fingers curled over the thumb are your cortex, or as Hercule Poirot would have it “your little grey cells.” These represent the part of your brain used in thinking things through.
If your emotions takeover, you are doing something that Dan Seigal calls “flipping your lid.” Imagine your fingers springing up, exposing your thumb, and the limbic system it represents taking over. Emotions are in charge! You can probably picture this in some people’s behaviour, both adults and children, where they seem unable to move, or stop or reason or talk or respond in any logical way. They are just reacting. You can probably recognise this type of reaction in yourself as well.
Because mindfulness and other things that help your wellbeing, can actually decrease the reaction of the limbic system, and thus you over reacting, that can help you react less to a situation. More importantly, there are things you can do to help in a situation where you recognise yourself or someone else going toward the flight, fight or freeze response.
The first thing to do is to connect. Because Dan Siegal works with parents, he talks about hugging your child, or with other adults a hand on the shoulder can help. The same goes for yourself – you need to connect to yourself. In mindfulness we sometimes talk about having an anchor. Something that brings your mind back from the myriad of places it might normally be to the here and now. Often this is about breathing and being aware of your own breathing. Of this breath. And this breath. You may even find resting your hand on your abdomen helps to bring your mind back to what is going on in your body now.
Next, Siegal with his parenting head on talks about name it to tame it. By this he means can name the emotion? The parts of the brain responsible for recognising (insula) and giving a word to an emotion (anterior prefrontal cortex) are based in the cortex. So, if you imagine that hand model of the brain, they are in the fingers. By focusing and naming an emotion you are actually causing parts of the cortex to fire, which in turns calms the limbic system. OK, that is terribly simplistic, and misses lots of stages, but essentially by naming the emotion there is a calming effect. Just to add you do need to name the emotion correctly. For example, anger, fear happiness all have their own names, although it doesn’t have to be exact, I am feeling angry or I am feeling mad, can be equally good.
That is great, but you may need to take it a step further. Siegal talks about planning a way through your child’s emotions. In mindfulness there is a practise called RAIN. This involves the following stages;
Recognise
- This it the name it to tame it part – as discussed above. Name the emotion, what is going on, become aware of what you are feeling.
Accept
- Realise it is OK to feel what you are feeling.
- Sometimes we have been told certain feelings are not right. Ie you should be brave, so we don’t accept fear. You should be calm, so we don’t accept anger, You should be confident, so we can’t accept shame.
- Yet we all feel these things and that is fine. Sometimes acting on them is not the best, but realising that is what you are feeling and being OK with that is important.
Investigate
- This is an interesting one. You may like to work out where you are feeling that emotion in your body.
- Do you have a knot in your stomach? How about your chest? Breathlessness? Tightness in your shoulders? Pins and needles in your hands or feet?
- Just spend time exploring where you can feel it.
- Maybe also spent time working out what is making you feel like that. Is there a reason you can identify. It is OK if not. Especially at this time of so much uncertainty.
Non-identify
- Finally you can non-identify. OK, I have to say this is basically a word to make the acronym work!
- However it does mean that although we have accepted we have felt anger, we don’t have to be an angry person.
- We can move on and don’t have to hold on to that emotion, or even try to avoid it. It is as important as a road sign. Nothing more, nothing less.
- Emotions are fantastic things to help us make sense of the world, but not the best things to be in charge.
That is all today. Do let me know if these are helpful!